Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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