toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
