Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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