sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
