allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
