um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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