I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
