Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
