community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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