I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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