I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
