How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
