I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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