What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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