Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
