Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
