DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
sex in a hospital.. check
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
