i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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