two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I currently don't understand fingers.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
