I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
