god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
