my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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