If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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