I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
