i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
