Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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