oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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