According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
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I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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