just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize