I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
