Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
