Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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