have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Can I color on your dick again?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
