I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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