I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
