I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
