I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
