i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
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