I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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