I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
