That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
How naked do you want me to be?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
