I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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