Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
