So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
