Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
