I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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