wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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