Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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