Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
