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  When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close

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• "Sting" is a terrible name for a dick, definitely suggests you'll both need a visit to the clinic

  Submitted by BlargleArgle on Feb 5, 13 at 11:21am

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• I imagine the recipient of this text having a lot of weird dick jewelry that has to be explained.

  Submitted by 478 on Feb 5, 13 at 5:55pm

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• Stolen from Cosmo sex tips

  Submitted by 221b on Feb 6, 13 at 3:39pm

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• There are female LOTR fans. Where do you think all the Pervy Elf Fanciers and Pervy Hobbit Fanciers come from?

  Submitted by GetOffMyLawn on Feb 6, 13 at 3:48pm

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• So, it's like a dick...only smaller...?

  Submitted by Micholder on Feb 5, 13 at 7:03pm

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• And then immediately turn around and kiss your chance of ever getting laid goodbye.

  Submitted by Kincaid333 on Feb 5, 13 at 3:45pm

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• Not "The Bobbit!" "The HOBbit"!!

  Submitted by kin_in_in on Feb 5, 13 at 5:17pm

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• So it's an extra short sword. Right. That'll lure her in

  Submitted by harrypotter36 on Feb 5, 13 at 9:40pm

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• - Said the virgin

  Submitted by hwrecker on Feb 5, 13 at 11:34am

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• [Adjusts nerd glasses] According to Chris Smith's "The Lord of the Rings Weapons and Warfare", Sting is 23 inches long. That's as long as about 4 dicks. My balls glow blue when hot women are close.

  Submitted by DerKarismatisch on Apr 8, 13 at 8:00pm

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• What does that even mean?

  Submitted by lunchtime on Feb 5, 13 at 4:48pm

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• Hahahahahahaha!!!!

  Submitted by Key_umm on Feb 5, 13 at 11:11am

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