i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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