If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
