rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
