Sry I called you an 8
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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