girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
