1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just googled if crying burns calories
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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