I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
