I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
