No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
