How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
