Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
