worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
