I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
