all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My ass is underappreciated
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
