God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
She needs sedatives and a leash
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize