I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
