I smell stomach acid.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
