Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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