apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize