I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
