i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
