he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize