Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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