Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
