my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
