He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
