I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
