I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
