p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
