so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
