U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
