Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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