I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Randomize
