Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
