he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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