I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
