bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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