I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
