she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
