would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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