my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
