Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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