half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize