At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
