she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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