im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
