Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
